This is going to be a somewhat controversial article. The reason is that I am going to compare what I learned in my two year Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) Master's program to what I have learned from Dr. John Gray, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. In 2005, I enrolled in to the MFT program at the University Of Louisiana At Monroe (ULM), which is the only dually credited program in the United States giving you the opportunity to become licensed in both the field of Counseling and the field of Marriage And Family Therapy.
By the time I enrolled, I had already read all of Dr. John Gray's books including, of course, his most well known book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. In fact, I had read many of his books numerous times, as well as watched and listened to most, if not all, of his video tapes and DVD's. In addition, I had also had the opportunity to work for Dr. Gray on several occasions. I say this because at the time I knew that, ironically, Dr. John Gray and his teaching were often not well liked or respected in the academic circles especially in the fields of psychology, counseling, or marriage and family therapy. And soon after I enrolled I found out that this was also the case in our program. I quickly discovered that some of my professors did not think very highly of him either.
So how do I think the marriage and family therapy program compared to what I have learned from Dr. Gray and from his series of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus books?
For the longest time I have tried to find the right words to compare and reconcile my two experiences. First, I honestly could not really even begin to compare the two. I thought the amount of practical wisdom and insights that I had learned from my mentor could not be compared to what I learned in my MFT program. I felt it was like trying to compare nourishing fresh organic apples to a black and white picture of oranges printed in a piece of paper. I thought they were not even in the same category.
In my MFT program, I learned about many theories about how to approach helping someone with a problem or question, whether about a personal, relationship, marriage, or family issue. I learned about the importance of different skills in the helping professions like listening, asking questions, and being empathetic. I received over 500 hundred hours of practice with real individuals, couples, and families with real problems, often under the supervision or guidance of some of my peers, professors, or supervisors behind a one-way mirror.
I followed the entire course work successfully. I scored one of the highest scores, if not the highest, on our final examination in our graduating class. Yet, I often felt like I did not understood how much of anything that I had learned could apply in my own life or be useful to anyone else. Most of the theories that I learned about were explained using fancy vocabulary and were often very complicated. I often got frustrated because I felt like I was trying really hard to make some orange juice from an orange. But to my surprise, frustration, and wonderment nothing was often coming out. I could not understand why.
When I sometimes asked my professors to help me, some of them looked at me like I was stupid. I asked some of my professors to define a concept that I could not understand only to receive retort that I should already have grasped it. I asked them to reduce something that we studied to a practical level often with little or no avail. What I did not realize was that we were not supposed to be learning anything that applied to our own lives. I thought something was wrong with me because I had a hard time digesting some of the course material I so hard to try to understand or because I had a bad taste in my mouth after class.
On the other hand, what I had learned from Dr. Gray and his books was fresh ideas, clearly explained concepts, and practical insight that nourished my heart, mind, and soul. Every time, I read a book or watched videotape or DVD of his it was like a light bulb fired in my mind. In fact, the more I read and watched Dr. Gray the more those bulbs were firing, and sometimes I felt they were even replaced with big bright spotlight illuminating concepts that I that I had already become aware, but this time making them even clearer than ever.
The insights and practical wisdom that I have learned from Dr. John Gray continue to help and assist me everyday of my life to this day. Although my life or relationships are not perfect, I have learned about concepts that when consumed like an apple a day, I believe will not only keep the doctor away, but will also empower you by giving you energy and nutrients to make your life, relationships, and marriage better than you might have ever imagined.
What I realized is that the difference between Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus books as compared to my MFT program is like that of a nutritional or health coach and a medical doctor. A good nutritional coach will try to maximize your health, longevity, and happiness, while a doctor will attempt to keep disease away. A health coach uses him/herself own life and experiences as en example to prove that he/she is credible, while a doctor uses his/her certificates and plaques. The former leads by example, while the latter does not. They both have different goals and methods of teaching and while they are different, they are both equally needed in this world.
In the process of going through my two-year program, toward the end of it I finally quit trying to extract practical wisdom from my academic course work. I learned to appreciate and be grateful for the MFT program for what it is; a great program to prepare students to become therapists to assists those with very serious relationship, marital, or family problems. And I highly recommend the program at ULM I went through for anyone considering to enter the MFT field.
I realized that just like men and women are different yet equally valuable and needed, so it is with the Mars Venus philosophy and the MFT programs around the world. I will always recommend a person to see a good marriage and family therapist if they have serious relationship, marital, or family problem. But I think just as importantly, it is vital for the health of our relationships that we also continue to nourish our hearts, minds, and souls with books like Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus or Dr. John Gray's latest book: Venus on Fire, Mars On Ice: Hormonal balance: The Key To Life, Love, And Energy. And if you really want to take your dating or relationship life to the next level consider the services of a good dating or relationship coach.
If you are interested in reading more of my articles on relationships, please come and visit my web-site on:
http://www.relationship-journal.com
About the Author:
Mikko Kemppe, took a serious interest in learning more about dating and relationships after the break-up of his first girl friend in Finland, before moving to United States. Since that time, he has read close to a hundred books about dating and relationships, received his master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, become a Mars Venus Relationship Coach, operated his own relationship coaching and counseling company, facilitated dating and relationship workshops, worked for the #1 bestselling relationship author of all time (Dr. John Gray), and of course, have had a wealth of experience in applying all his knowledge to his own relationship and dating adventures.
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I really liked your Information. Keep up the good work. LMFT San Francisco
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